Spiritual NLP Blog | Neuro-Linguistic Programming | Change Your Life | Gary de Rodriguez, Dallas, TX

 

 

When we use language like the transformational choices it puts us into the place where we actually shackle the legs of our camels linguistically.  We’re taking our personal power linguistically and saying this is where we’re going.  Rewrite your present reality. Write in transformational language and create your outcome with specific language in one paragraph.  And then I’m going to ask you to write it in two lines.  What you’re going to do is take that big long story and you’re going to write an I am statement toward where you’re choosing to move your life in this particular issue of your life and you’re going to rewrite it, outcome oriented, first person accountable, in conscious language, devoid of language of self-sabotage, deletion, distortion, generalization, negation and disempowerment.  If you require to add specificity you’ll have more sentences – like dates and all of that.  If you’ve been confused then you’re choosing clarity.  If you’ve been lonely and you’re choosing a partnership, define it, put it on a time line, speak toward.

 

I have confidence in my creative ability.  I receive the gift of my father’s life.  I have the power to create now.

 

Give him a hand!  What if every word that came out of your mouth was like what you’re rewriting now?  What would it be like?  You would speak less, is that true?  But when you spoke….laser!

 

I remember when I was very young I got married.  What impressed me so much about her was that she spoke very little but when she spoke …..  We’d be in this huge group of people and she would just sit there silently, not saying anything, but when she spoke it was like an earthquake because what came out of her mouth was so laserly the truth from her heart.  As soon as that happened I thought, I am completely in love with this woman.  What she spoke was from her heart and it had such profound effects upon me.  Have you noticed how each of us are speaking?  Have you noticed how often want, need and try have been spoken?  Our culture has been based upon lack and scarcity and victim archetype.  Take the words want, need, try and I don’t know out of your vocabulary and you’ll be doing great.

 

I am free from worry and I use this freedom to create spiritual fulfillment, to double my income and to nurture my family.

 

How much – what does double mean to you?  Put in a figure. 

 

I am free from worry – you just went into your story and you told all of us that part of your time is spent in worry.  So what you get to do is say I claim my peace of mind and I use this freedom to create MY spiritual fulfillment and to double my income to $200,000 OR MORE a year and to nurture my wife, Dawn and my daughter, Caterina. 

 

Whenever someone is speaking in vagueness, it is consistently a form of fear, a fear of feeling the emotional body.  When we bring it in and we speak in ‘my’ we associate into the words.  You guys look at your statement and put in ‘my’ wherever you see the word ‘the.’

 

I am powerful, empowering and successful in my work at positive changes hypnosis, relationships with my family and create $300,000 or more in the year 2000.  And I am in a relationship and married a loving, empowering, infinitely wealthy, emotionally secure, accepting, fun, fun-loving, playful, young-thinking, brilliant, kind, exciting, active, charismatic, outgoing, compassionate, rational, creative, understanding, generous, very gorgeous, athletic, ever-evolving, family oriented, passionate, self accountable, sharing, honest single man.

 

Tell the world because when you speak it what happens is that you get to leave your story and step into the new way of being and perceiving. 

 

I am now open to see the love and acceptance of my mother and father.

 

This is a statement in the course of miracles it says, ‘All things present, past and to come are beautifully planned by one who unconditionally loves you.’ 

 

The things of the past – how much life energy have you spent in being a victim in your mind, running the internal blame dialog in your mind and living from the victim archetype of not being loved enough by mother or dad and how much time have you spent and energy wasted, your precious breaths incalculable in its value, on contemplating endlessly the story?  There are people who die who at their death bed are still repeating the story of what they did or did not get from their mother or their father, which got reflected into their adult relationships and then got projected onto their adult relationships.  So we have the opportunity to do something with our past which we will do tomorrow in a big way.

Join me in tomorrows Blog for more!

 

 

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Pyramid of Time

 

 

My mom was an amazing woman.  She was also an alcoholic and a drug addict creating the perfect laboratory for my exploration of how to create change in the human condition.  As a child I witnessed the one I loved most sinking into dark valleys of despair, insanity, and multiple attempts at suicide.  I chose the quest to understand how love could turn to hopelessness.  The questions I was determined to answer were: What caused this? What was the purpose of this suffering that colored my entire life? What can change it?  From the age of about five I took on the self-appointed role of being her psychoanalyst.  I believed I was her emotional surrogate, her confidant and her caretaker, up until the day she died.

 

As chaotic as my mother’s life was, her death was even more horrific.  She succumbed to a very aggressive form of cancer that even the Stanford Cancer Institute had never seen before.  It began with a little lump on the back of her neck, which she went to a dermatologist to have it removed thinking it was cyst .  Although he tried, the dermatologist could not remove it.  When she woke up the next morning, she had lumps all over her body and two weeks later, she was dead.

 

The melanoma tumor had been disturbed by the dermatologist and within a 24 hour period of time, the tumor sent out countless runners throughout my mother’s body.  The last few days she was alive, I slept stayed with her in her hospital room those last three days, and like a mantra being chanted in a morphine daze, she repeated, “I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, If I could only live again, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die.”   I sat with her twenty-four  seven for those three days and I looked at her in a state of utter helplessness.  I realized that there was nothing I could do for her.   There were no words of comfort, no scriptures to be read, no amount of tears could assist her at the end of her journey.  Nothing could relieve the fear of finally knowing she did not do what her soul came here to do.  The  air of her room was thick with the smell of regret and despair for a life spent in pain, under-realized.   She realized that she had done very little with her life.

 

My mother had been divorced from my father for over twenty years and every day of those twenty years she lived in the pain of the loss and emotional betrayal of her true love – a love she believed would always be her sanctuary.  Her heart was irreparably broken.  She did very little with her life as an individual after the divorce.  Her fear was so great she could not enter the work force.  She was very poorly educated and carried tremendous shame as a consequence. 

 

As I watched my mother die, I vowed I would never die as she was dying.  During those last painful days of my mother’s life, I vowed I would face my fear. I would discover my purpose.  I would fulfill my potential.  I vowed to life I would never allow myself to die as she had, filled with the regret and despair of what she did not have the courage to do.

 

Now this is were the story gets good.

 

About four years after my mother’s death, I was sitting with a really good friend of mine, Kathy Hern, who was at that time the minister for a Science of Mind church in San Diego.  We were sitting chatting in her office, when she casually asked me a question about my mother.  In that precise moment I began to experience an altered state of consciousness which had never happened before and has never happened since.  The moment Kathy brought up the subject of my mother, I felt the spiritual center of my body – the place between my eyebrows known as the third eye – suddenly open up. 

 

I experienced somewhat of a dual vision.  I could still see Kathy and her office and simultaneously I could see into another realm of existence.   A mist appeared and out of the mist my mother began walking toward me. It was her angelic presence.  She was wearing white robes and the wind was blowing through her hair.  She looked gorgeous.  I don’t remember if I heard her voice or received her message in thought, but as clear as day she communicated these words:

“Son, I lived the life I lived to show you how not to live.  I died the death I died to show you how not to die.  Choose the right path. 

 

Do not waste time in your story.  Distill the wisdom from the sum of your life’s experiences and go forth to realize your soul’s unique contribution.”

As soon as she delivered this message, the image of my mother disappeared back into the mist, my third eye closed, and I sat in a daze staring off into space.  

 

My mother’s words presuppose a powerful truth that is at the heart of this book.  Out of love she lived within the constriction of her limitations, as an example of what not to become.  She did it for the sake of my learning, my evolution, my eventual contribution.  Her death was an example of how not to live, and therefore how not to die.  Out of deep love and devotion to me, she lived the life she lived, in order to show me the right path. 

All of my story as a young boy and adult had revolved around how terrible my childhood was, creating a perspective of my world darkened by a lack of awareness of the spiritual intent behind all events.  I was awakening from the trance of victim and blame to the awareness of the perfection that is through the window of what my soul came here to fulfill.

 

I had always considered myself to be a victim of a chaotic and unstable childhood, yet as I examined my mother’s life from this perspective, I began to realize the multitude of things she taught me through the power of her example.  My mom was probably my greatest teacher.  This realization was a powerful experience which reshaped my perceptions and shook my procrastination and victimization to the core.

 

Whether our parents are living or dead, each one of us stands on the shoulders of every ancestor that came before us.  We exist as a culmination of their successes and losses; their positive intentions and ignorant mistakes.   Through the tragedies and triumphs of those who came before us, we are given a sacred window through which we can glimpse the mystery of our life purpose.  Our parents’ failures are perhaps our greatest teachers.  By deeply examining their lives, we unveil an important message about how to live — and how not to live – our own.   

 

  

 

What is the hidden soul lesson in why we came through our particular ancestral line? What is the hidden message inherent within the circumstances of our families?  These are questions seldom asked deeply requiring to be answered.

Our past has created our present, but it need not create our future. We can write a whole new story.  Move the focus of your mind away from the story of what you did and did not receive from your parents to what your parents’ lives are teaching you about life.  Take their life lessons and make different choices.  Through the expression of our life demonstrates whether we will continue the ancestral influenced thinking or choose another Path. 

 

Could our ancestry play an important part of who we are at the subconscious level and could this influence have some bearing on who we are today and does this information show a light into what we are here to master in this life?

 

 

 

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Events are empty unto themselves and our perspectives ascribe the meaning to them which will either transform them into personal and professional benefits or perpetuate our distortion.  Our distortions are generated from the collective experience of our past, therefore the First LAW for a Fulfilling Life is: Transform your past to be Your Greatest Ally for Your Future.

 For any of us to be successful, personally and professionally, we require powerful and trusting alliances within our relationships.  The primary hierarchy of importance in our relationships is first, relationship to oneself.  The second is relationship to others, and the third is relationship to a deeper purpose for which your life contributes back.   Relationships with others are based upon our ability to effectively communicate and our communication is based upon the level of rapport and trust we are capable of establishing.

 One extraordinarily important principle for organizations and families to recognize is each member of the organization affects others and will enhance or contaminate the culture.   According to the Heart Math Research Institute, each individual emanates a resonate field of energy measurable by science that affects other people around them.  This resonate field is created by the overall emotional states the person feels continually.

 The health of your family or your company is based upon the collective thinking patterns of the members within it.  Each person affects the whole of the environment in which they dwell, whether it is home or office, with their thoughts, the language that represents those thoughts and the emotions they produce as a consequence.  Does it make sense that fundamental Life skills to transform thinking and emotions are required for our personal, spiritual and financial success?

 I was conducting a series of trainings for a prominent pharmaceutical company in California in their global safety department, which consisted of approximately twenty highly skilled doctors and research scientists.

The VP of the department had contacted me and communicated that the culture within the department was sliding downhill fast.  The staff was under tremendous pressure with long work hours and impossible deadlines.  The extra stress of personality conflicts was the straw that would break the camel’s back. His primary concern was that he would begin losing his highly qualified staff he had worked so hard to recruit.

   I arrived on the grounds of the company which was like a mini city in its entirety.  With walking paths, child care, a gymnasium, a pool and overlooking the Pacific Ocean:  A rather stunning place to work.

 As I enter the training room and met the team I noticed one individual in the room who seemed defensive and withdrawn before I even opened my mouth.  The team was cordial, alert, but reserved.  As I began the presentation this one individual would barely participate, distracted others and was in overall resistance to learning the communication tools I was presenting. 

 Rather than leave a contaminating personality in the room with the other willing participants, I firmly, and respectfully, asked him to leave the training room.  With every organization I have the privilege of working with, I reserve this right.

 As soon as this doctor left the training room the entire room took a collective breath simultaneously.  The energy of the room relaxed and I observed the tension leaving the bodies of the members of the team.  I stood there wondering could this one individual have this much influence on the stress levels and the growing negative culture of the department.

 I merely had to ask one simple question: “How are you all feeling now?”

Like a monsoon of information, each person shared their frustration with this individual.  He was recently recruited and was one of the medical heads of the department which required much of the work to be approved by.  Story after story came forward about how difficult it was to accomplish the workload after his arrival and how the management could not see it.

 Resentment had built toward the VP, communication lessened because of resentment and the VP did not have enough information to take action. 

The remainder of the trainings went effectively and the culture shifted dramatically after the enactment of the communication tools which were taken onboard by the team.  The resistant doctor entered a coaching program with me, through the request of the VP.  The core experiences which drove his behavior were uncovered and resolved, resulting in him becoming a functional part of the team.  

 My belief is that people affect other people and each one of us has the responsibility to become fully matured in our relationship to ourselves.  By taking responsibility for our own emotional states, getting clarity, having effective conversational and negotiation skills while ceasing the destructive positioning for power and the need to be right, we can reach that mature state in our relationship to ourselves.  Each one of us requires to become fully self aware and have the tools to shift our beliefs, transform our past experiences to retain the wisdom rather than the resentment.  Each one of us requires to become fully responsible for the filters we see our world through, so that we can become as free as we can from over reacting emotions and distortions.

 We require to learn the art of entering into our communication with a genuine desire to enrich our business and personal relationships with authentic conversations and accountability for our emotional states.  When we exhibit flexibility in our approach to others, we view the diversity of other peoples’ perspectives, with understanding and grace, while creating peace within ourselves.

 Here are some foundational principles:

 Principles:

1. Be in physiological rapport with the other person so you have the ability to create an unconscious connection during the conversation.

2. Enter the conversation with the intention to clarify, enrich and empower yourself, and the other person equally.

3. Authentically desire that a win-win occur from the conversation.

4. Be accountable for your part in creating any disagreements in the situation

5. Be fully focused and completely present with the other person.

6. Know that you are creating your own emotional responses and that you have a choice.

 Before you enter a conversation that is important to you, clarify your outcomes with the following questions when you enter the conversation:

 Setting Outcomes:

1. What do you desire?

2. If we both got what we desired what would that look like?

3. What would be your highest choice for the situation?

4. What would it take to make us both feel great?

5. What do you require to feel like we both won?

6. What is your outcome for our conversation?

 Our relationships are the temple we reveal our emotional intelligence and our relationship with ourselves.  The more we can enter our conversations with awareness the greater our relationships will blossom, the more effective we will become and the higher our self esteem and self worth will rise. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gary De Rodriguez

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