Spiritual NLP Blog | Neuro-Linguistic Programming | Change Your Life | Gary de Rodriguez, Dallas, TX

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Creating Abundance Through Conversation

Our success or failure is determined by our ability to maintain and strengthen our relationships. Our ability to hold conversations with the intention of enrichment and understanding is at the heart of our relationship success. And relationship success governs our prosperity and happiness.

A key tenet of Humanistic Neuro Linguistic Psychology (HNLP) is that the person with the most flexibility becomes the most contributing person to the system in which they belong. When we realize that each person functions from a different set of beliefs, memories, values, and experiences (and therefore drawing their map of reality differently than our own), we must honor the fact that people are looking through different lenses and creating different realities.

Conversations filled with positioning of who is right or wrong or with armoring for the next attack, will always lead to destroyed relationships and fractured families, organizations and teams. The success destined individual, however, knows that by mastering flexibility of perception, she can more authentically honor the unique perspectives of those around her. She can comfortably hold authentic conversations filled with skillful and artful questions. This skill is the cornerstone of continued success in life.

Each of our realities is just as valid as any other person’s, so we require to learn and master the art of flexibility. We require to learn how to enter conversations with the primary intent to understand and empower our relationships while maintaining appropriate boundaries for ourselves. When we enter our conversations with this conscious intention, we can master the art of flexibility and increase our ability to hold authentic conversations, boosting our influence and increasing our own self esteem.

For example, what would your reality be like if you made a pact with yourself to simply stop talking ill of anyone? Try it. Find the highest thing you can say about one another and speak to that. Hold your highest thought for one another even if the other person’s behavior is disappointing to you. The results of this simple exercise are remarkable, remarkable both for you personally and for everyone you touch.

Principles of the Win-Win Conversation

Strengthen and leverage your relationships with these strategies for effective communication.

1. Be in physiological rapport with the other person.
2. Enter the conversation with the intention to clarify and enrich.
3. Also enter with the intention to empower yourself and the other person equally.
4. Authentically desire a win-win from the conversation.
5. Be accountable for your part in the situation.
6. Be fully and completely present with the other person.
7. Know that you are creating your own emotional responses and that you have a choice.

Perspective Shifting and Finding the Harmony

Ask yourself these questions to establish the intention and outcome for any conversation and steer yourself away from pitfalls that are most commonly entered when two people are seeing through two different lenses.

1. What am I not seeing?
2. Where is my attention?
3. Where am I not being realistic?
4. What could be the positive intention of the other person?
5. How could I look at this differently?
6. How many different perspectives can I take to give me clarity?
7. What is present when I’m at my best?
8. What part of the solution am I?
9. Where might I be in denial?
10. What am I afraid of here, and is it real?
11. What are my false assumptions?
12. Who am I when I speak and act from my heart?
13. What changes will I affect when I show up as who I really am?
14. What is it to be a leader?
15. What am I grateful for in this situation?
16. What is the one thing that I require to say to bring resolution?
17. What am I teaching myself in this situation?

We require to utilize all of the skills available to us such as strong coaching questions, accountable perception, positive intention, and the ability to create rapport at the subconscious level.

By creating this type of environment of safety and trust, we can sustain our happiness and be a light to those who surround us.

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As I sit here late at night at my computer there is one glaring theme that keeps ringing in my head to write to you about and share.   “Our success is in direct portion to our ability to be relationship with others.”   I have been contemplating the deeper and more generative meaning of this statement for a long time.  

If there is one thing I have learned through the years is that life is not a solo journey.  It is done in relationship to many others.   Business here in Australia is fundamentally based upon who you know and yes, you require having a great product or service but rarely, at least in my experience, have contracts ever shown up at my door and asked to come in.  I’ve required to go knocking and through the relationships I have established through the years doing business in Australia, my relationships have always opened the doors to amazing possibilities.

It is fundamental to our success in relationships that we discover the common ground amidst the seeming differences and establishing mutual understanding between people and communication styles whether that be between parents and children, life partner to life partner, husband to wife or director of a large organization to the upper management.  Relationship success means: establishing the sameness between people and witnessing what is inclusive rather than exclusive. The foundation of recognizing the power of your relationships is and forever will be everything to your ability to succeed.

As I work with more and more organizations in both Australia and the United States there is inherent in all the problems a organizations may face, the ever present issue of communication between people.

Organizations spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on systems forgetting that it is the functionality of the people and their relationships with one another that actually make the systems work.   

So how do we bridge the differences between the viewpoints of people who come from such life reference points, each with their individual body of evidence that convinces them that how they see the world is right and correct?

The answer is the CONVERSATION.  My particular brand in conducting corporate training is the ability to facilitate the difficult conversation.  As I continue to facilitate groups in holding the conversations to discover the mutual understanding, the unspeakable is finally spoken and strategies discovered that will finally move the group to action and resolution.

The same holds true for couples, parents and children, any form of relationship success will be based upon this one fundamental principle.  It is so basic, so simple yet most people find it the most difficult thing to do.  

As I watch the culture shift in organizations I am working with and the conversations happen that have been withheld for so long, I often stand in wonder of how beautifully simple and powerful people become when they master the art of the authentic conversation.  These types of conversations can transform companies, marriages, children and the world. 

Here is a brief outline for an authentic conversation.  Begin yours today!!!

The RULES:

1.       If there is problems in your relationships either professionally of personally it is because of the quality of the conversation.  Take responsibility for being half the problem.

2.       Do not interrupt the speaker when they are speaking.

3.       Be in physiological rapport with the speaker.

4.       If you disagree with speaker ask more questions so you can clarify their meaning.

5.       Acknowledge what is being said is valid from the perspective of the speaker and that you can understand how they could feel that way.  

6.       After the speaker is complete say: “May I add my perspective to clarify my position.”

7.       Stay out of defence.

8.       Watch your tone of voice and remember that 38% of the meaning of your communication is the tone of your voice.

9.       Stay out of sarcasm.

10.   Enter the conversation with the intention to empower enrich and clarify.

As I continue to facilitate building the bridges of communication between teams, executives and people struggling in their relationships I have come to one major conclusion.  The true sacred temple is the temple of our relationships.

It is here that we polish off the rough edges of our personalities and begin shifting out of the ancient programming of our past.  It is here that we can begin to create growth in ourselves and prove the evidence that we can and are maturing. 

Every conversation within every relationships is our point of power where we chose in that moment to become more than our past programming and demonstrate our well earned wisdom or we opt to further engrain the patterns of our past that keep us frozen in unworkable strategies that increase our frustration.

Find the common ground and discover the underlining truth that all people desire fundamentally the same things and hold similar values.  Establish what is mutually desired in all the differences between people and how they see their realities.  What you will find in the seeming differences of people is the same heart, with the same desire for peace, joy, love and connection.  HOLD THE CONVERSATION YOU HAVE BEEN AVOIDING. 

 

 

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