Spiritual NLP Blog | Neuro-Linguistic Programming | Change Your Life | Gary de Rodriguez, Dallas, TX

Look Within

 

 

 

Creating Abundance Through Conversation

Our success or failure is determined by our ability to maintain and strengthen our relationships. Our ability to hold conversations with the intention of enrichment and understanding is at the heart of our relationship success. And relationship success governs our prosperity and happiness.

A key tenet of Humanistic Neuro Linguistic Psychology (HNLP) is that the person with the most flexibility becomes the most contributing person to the system in which they belong. When we realize that each person functions from a different set of beliefs, memories, values, and experiences (and therefore drawing their map of reality differently than our own), we must honor the fact that people are looking through different lenses and creating different realities.

Conversations filled with positioning of who is right or wrong or with armoring for the next attack, will always lead to destroyed relationships and fractured families, organizations and teams. The success destined individual, however, knows that by mastering flexibility of perception, she can more authentically honor the unique perspectives of those around her. She can comfortably hold authentic conversations filled with skillful and artful questions. This skill is the cornerstone of continued success in life.

Each of our realities is just as valid as any other person’s, so we require to learn and master the art of flexibility. We require to learn how to enter conversations with the primary intent to understand and empower our relationships while maintaining appropriate boundaries for ourselves. When we enter our conversations with this conscious intention, we can master the art of flexibility and increase our ability to hold authentic conversations, boosting our influence and increasing our own self esteem.

For example, what would your reality be like if you made a pact with yourself to simply stop talking ill of anyone? Try it. Find the highest thing you can say about one another and speak to that. Hold your highest thought for one another even if the other person’s behavior is disappointing to you. The results of this simple exercise are remarkable, remarkable both for you personally and for everyone you touch.

Principles of the Win-Win Conversation

Strengthen and leverage your relationships with these strategies for effective communication.

1. Be in physiological rapport with the other person.
2. Enter the conversation with the intention to clarify and enrich.
3. Also enter with the intention to empower yourself and the other person equally.
4. Authentically desire a win-win from the conversation.
5. Be accountable for your part in the situation.
6. Be fully and completely present with the other person.
7. Know that you are creating your own emotional responses and that you have a choice.

Perspective Shifting and Finding the Harmony

Ask yourself these questions to establish the intention and outcome for any conversation and steer yourself away from pitfalls that are most commonly entered when two people are seeing through two different lenses.

1. What am I not seeing?
2. Where is my attention?
3. Where am I not being realistic?
4. What could be the positive intention of the other person?
5. How could I look at this differently?
6. How many different perspectives can I take to give me clarity?
7. What is present when I’m at my best?
8. What part of the solution am I?
9. Where might I be in denial?
10. What am I afraid of here, and is it real?
11. What are my false assumptions?
12. Who am I when I speak and act from my heart?
13. What changes will I affect when I show up as who I really am?
14. What is it to be a leader?
15. What am I grateful for in this situation?
16. What is the one thing that I require to say to bring resolution?
17. What am I teaching myself in this situation?

We require to utilize all of the skills available to us such as strong coaching questions, accountable perception, positive intention, and the ability to create rapport at the subconscious level.

By creating this type of environment of safety and trust, we can sustain our happiness and be a light to those who surround us.

Comments(0)

I had a student once in one of my classes named Ruben.  He came into the class, he could barely speak because he was so shy and he listened to everything I said and every process I taught that class he went home and every night for the extension of a 5-week period of time he did every process every day constantly.  The school director came and in and spoke to me once and said, ‘Ruben is taking his classes completely different.  He shifted his entire life in that 5 week period.’  That was my challenge to the group.  I said, ‘You can metamorphose your life in 5 weeks if you choose to do that.  I’m laying the tools before you.  You do with it what you wish.’  And he took it and I have yet to see a student do it as devotedly as he did.  And he metamorphosed his life.  You have the same opportunity.

 

Remember what I said to you – that the only way you know that you’re you is by the pictures, sounds and feelings you carry in your nervous system?  The flotation tank metaphor.  Well we’re going to be going into a process that begins to change the pictures, sounds and feelings in your head.  First of all I’m going to teach you a very simple technique that will decode your nervous system in about a minute to 2 minutes from negatively charged emotions from your past. Some of you already know it.  Who has a memory?  Come on up.

Now the way this works is a process called eye patterns.  In neurolinguistic programming we have eye patterns.  It’s very much like the computer keyboard to the nervous system.  The eyes grow out of the cerebral cortex.  The sclera of the eyes actually grows out of the dura of the brain.  So the eyes are deeply connected to the central nervous system.  They’re much like our list files on a computer.  You tap on your list files, you click on a particular file with your mouse and the file shows up on your screen.  The eyes have a particular pattern that has encoded your memories, visually, auditorily, kinesthetically.  So as you’re looking up you’re sorting for visual pictures.  As you’re looking laterally, you’re sorting for sounds, remembered or constructed.  As you’re looking down you’re sorting for feelings.  If it’s down to your left it’s your internal dialog to get to feelings but it’s still to get to feelings.  What we’re doing is we’re looking at our bodies as very much of a predictable biomechanical mechanism which the eyes are part of the computer keyboard.  When we are retrieving a memory, that memory has a specific eye pattern that will bring that memory back as if it was now. 

 

This is useful because if we were going to go to a door and we were going to look at the doorknob to open up the door and leave the room, if we did not have a method of encoding the learning, we would have to relearn the experience of opening up the door every time we went to a door.  So the human body has this amazing capacity to store the experiences because of the learning achieved through those experiences.  This is how we have learned all the things that we’ve learned and stored all the things that we’ve stored.  We have an eye pattern that retrieves our learnings from our memories.  Some of these memories are loaded with unresolved negative emotions and as we have stored them, we can retrieve them with the same emotional impact as before.  So what we’re going to be doing is working with the eyes so that we can decode the nervous system so the emotional impact goes neutral and we retain the learnings.

 

The way you do this is very simple.  NLP is very much like a set of keys.  Each key will open up a different lock.  This process is particularly good for memories that you’re done with.  When you think about them they still bring you pain.  However, it’s not something you’re masticating on like a baby pit bull on a bone – day to day, moment to moment.  This is not like the biggest experience you’ve ever done.  However, the last NLP class I taught in LA a woman got up.  She was the first one to raise her hand and said she had a memory that had clouded and overshadowed my entire existence and everything that’s in it.  And I thought, ‘Well, this may be interesting.’ So within two minutes she could no longer get back the memory. 

 

Demo: Do you have a memory that you’d like to feel differently about?  You’re going to go into the feeling of that memory and you’re job is to hold onto the feeling as you follow my finger with your eyes.  So when you’re in that memory, just nod your head.  So follow my finger with your eyes as you hold onto the emotions of that experience.  You have to follow my finger.  Keep holding onto that emotion and those feelings.  Keep moving your eyes.  Follow the finger.  I’ll slow down for you.  Okay, that’s about half a minute and we’re going to check and see where you are now.  Let your eyes rest and go to that memory.  You were up about a 10 on that memory so tell me what it feels like now.  Those of you who are over here are watching him sort for his eye patterns.  He’s looking for it.  Get that puppy back.  Make yourself feel bad.  Can you get it back?

So what happened was, I wiggled my finger in front of his face on a memory that was pretty high up there as far as the emotional impact of anger.  We spent about half of a minute and he can no longer get back the memory with the same negative emotions again.  Could that be useful in your life?

More tomorrow! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gary De Rodriguez

Comments(0)

 

Language of disempowerment: I want to go to the movies.  I am going to the movies tonight.  I will go to the movies tonight.  I choose to go to the movies tonight.  I will enjoy going to the movies tonight.  These are different levels of empowerment.  I can’t.  I can, I choose to, I will, I have the resources I require, I will create the resources I require.  I will create what I require to do the job.  It’s yet to be here but I’ll find out how to create it.  Rather than saying I can’t.  When you say I can’t what happens?  Do you throw yourself into the victim archetype immediately?  Do you cut at the root of the possibility of actually creating some of the resources that yet have been able to wake up in you?  When you say I’ll explore how I can create the resources I require to do it.  Do something other than go home and coach everyone around you.  Only coach if you are asked.  Get permission.  I just did this great seminar.  I learned a lot about the power of language.  Would you be interested in having some upgrades to what you just said? 

 

I was in a relationship working for months on how powerful my new relationship was going to be.  It was going to be so great.  It was about 8 months old.  So I came home from one of my trainings and I walked through the door, put down my bag – Hi, honey, I’m home.  And I heard, ‘We have to talk.’  So I sat down.  You’re too spiritual for me, you’re life is going in a direction I don’t choose to go, I’m moving out.  And you talk funny.  And pleaded with me to just talk normal.  Because this was really a co-dependent relationship.  And if I spoke in all the stuff I used to speak in, it would link in and hook that co-dependency.  I was so proud of myself because I generally I’ll drag out all my evidence that they were wrong and weigh it all out and make them feel badly.  What I said was, ‘You don’t see who I am.  Therefore you’re not the one.’  I had worked very, very diligently in creating a real partnership with someone.  And I personally thought this was it.  Three months later I met the person who was it.  The space had to clear out first.  And I worked diligently at creating a relationship because I was fully ready.

 

Unconscious language.  You really make me angry.  I create anger within myself when you do that.  I’m responsible for my feelings and what I make up about what you just said is….  This is very powerful because I was in a relationship once for 9 years with someone who was directly the opposite of everything I am.  And before I created this relationship I prayed to god, probably the only time in my life I ever surrendered and I said, ‘Bring me the relationship that will give me the greatest level of spiritual progress.’  I was very brave in those days.  So I create this relationship. Within three hours after that surrender process the relationship showed up.  Three hours was all it took.  We were together for 9 years.  I was so reactive and so unhealthy in this relationship.  When I got to the point – obviously somehow I get to be accountable for what is happening in my world here.  And I got this idea about filtering and so I thought I would apply it in my most tender place and the weakest place that I was – the place that had atrophied the most, which was the huge victim archetype in relationships – somehow I’m a victim of this person.  They’ve got control over my emotional state and if they don’t give it to me or if they do give it to me I’m either happy or sad.  My partner would do something and I would just get this huge emotional response to it and I’d just sit there silently and fume.  And then I said, ‘What you just said and did, I got really upset at and I’m responsible for the emotions I’m creating in myself and I’m giving meaning to what you just said and did and this is what I made up about it.  Could you give me clarity on what you meant by what you just did and said?’  And not once, not twice, not a hundred times, but every time I had the courage to do that and stay out of my victim and be emotionally accountable, every time I was 180 degrees off from how I interpreted it.  And that’s where a lot of this information started to come forward from.  When I began to realize that in that environment where I was the most reactive and wounded and I started to take accountability and began to question to get clarity, I was completely off.  And we do this.  We mind read a lot.  And we mind read out of the hurt and wound of our past through our filters.  Ask for clarity, you guys.

 

My dream is that you will make me happy.  My dream is that I create my happiness and you create yours.  When you think about language and you think about the words like I need and I want and I’ll try and I don’t know – if we could just take those four out of our conversation – why do you think need, want and I don’t know are so pervasive in our conversational language?  The words dissociate you from a focus and they place you in the victim archetype.  They are literally the language that takes all the strength and power out of your ability to actually achieve.  When you say I deserve it presupposes a time when you didn’t feel deserving.  So when you say I claim, I create or I am it takes you out of the context of either deserving or not deserving.  It just is.  What used to take me a private session half an hour or 45 minutes to get to with neurolinguistic programming, I get to within 10 minutes with a client through their language, just from what they speak and the presuppositions that is behind the language they choose to use.

More to follow tomorrow on this subject!

Love & Light

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gary De Rodriguez

 

 

Comments(0)

As I sit here late at night at my computer there is one glaring theme that keeps ringing in my head to write to you about and share.   “Our success is in direct portion to our ability to be relationship with others.”   I have been contemplating the deeper and more generative meaning of this statement for a long time.  

If there is one thing I have learned through the years is that life is not a solo journey.  It is done in relationship to many others.   Business here in Australia is fundamentally based upon who you know and yes, you require having a great product or service but rarely, at least in my experience, have contracts ever shown up at my door and asked to come in.  I’ve required to go knocking and through the relationships I have established through the years doing business in Australia, my relationships have always opened the doors to amazing possibilities.

It is fundamental to our success in relationships that we discover the common ground amidst the seeming differences and establishing mutual understanding between people and communication styles whether that be between parents and children, life partner to life partner, husband to wife or director of a large organization to the upper management.  Relationship success means: establishing the sameness between people and witnessing what is inclusive rather than exclusive. The foundation of recognizing the power of your relationships is and forever will be everything to your ability to succeed.

As I work with more and more organizations in both Australia and the United States there is inherent in all the problems a organizations may face, the ever present issue of communication between people.

Organizations spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on systems forgetting that it is the functionality of the people and their relationships with one another that actually make the systems work.   

So how do we bridge the differences between the viewpoints of people who come from such life reference points, each with their individual body of evidence that convinces them that how they see the world is right and correct?

The answer is the CONVERSATION.  My particular brand in conducting corporate training is the ability to facilitate the difficult conversation.  As I continue to facilitate groups in holding the conversations to discover the mutual understanding, the unspeakable is finally spoken and strategies discovered that will finally move the group to action and resolution.

The same holds true for couples, parents and children, any form of relationship success will be based upon this one fundamental principle.  It is so basic, so simple yet most people find it the most difficult thing to do.  

As I watch the culture shift in organizations I am working with and the conversations happen that have been withheld for so long, I often stand in wonder of how beautifully simple and powerful people become when they master the art of the authentic conversation.  These types of conversations can transform companies, marriages, children and the world. 

Here is a brief outline for an authentic conversation.  Begin yours today!!!

The RULES:

1.       If there is problems in your relationships either professionally of personally it is because of the quality of the conversation.  Take responsibility for being half the problem.

2.       Do not interrupt the speaker when they are speaking.

3.       Be in physiological rapport with the speaker.

4.       If you disagree with speaker ask more questions so you can clarify their meaning.

5.       Acknowledge what is being said is valid from the perspective of the speaker and that you can understand how they could feel that way.  

6.       After the speaker is complete say: “May I add my perspective to clarify my position.”

7.       Stay out of defence.

8.       Watch your tone of voice and remember that 38% of the meaning of your communication is the tone of your voice.

9.       Stay out of sarcasm.

10.   Enter the conversation with the intention to empower enrich and clarify.

As I continue to facilitate building the bridges of communication between teams, executives and people struggling in their relationships I have come to one major conclusion.  The true sacred temple is the temple of our relationships.

It is here that we polish off the rough edges of our personalities and begin shifting out of the ancient programming of our past.  It is here that we can begin to create growth in ourselves and prove the evidence that we can and are maturing. 

Every conversation within every relationships is our point of power where we chose in that moment to become more than our past programming and demonstrate our well earned wisdom or we opt to further engrain the patterns of our past that keep us frozen in unworkable strategies that increase our frustration.

Find the common ground and discover the underlining truth that all people desire fundamentally the same things and hold similar values.  Establish what is mutually desired in all the differences between people and how they see their realities.  What you will find in the seeming differences of people is the same heart, with the same desire for peace, joy, love and connection.  HOLD THE CONVERSATION YOU HAVE BEEN AVOIDING. 

 

 

Comments(0)

That is a credo I live by and I thought it was worth sharing with you before we discuss the power of language in this week’s feature article. Those of us who study the principles of NLP understand, on a very deep level, that language is much more than mere words we eject into our environment. Language is a force unto itself and it dwells between us, around us, and inside us.

As someone who spends a lot of time traveling and speaking to people all over the world, I’ve come to appreciate the power of language and its ability to transform people. But my real work comes when I am able to help people quiet the dialogue they have with themselves each day, when I can help them then recreate that conversation into something completely realigned with a new dream for their reality.

I am constantly amazed and saddened by how many people in the western world are living in war zone conditions, conditions occurring nowhere but in the grey matter between their ears. Our world seems so chaotic, so random, and so unfair at times that it is difficult to believe we each have the power to effect positive and lasting change. Yet until the individual resolves the war within, there will be war without. And until you align the language of your mind and the words from your lips with the reality you desire, peace cannot be.

So, I think the world really can become a better place, a few words at a time.

Comments(1)