December 17, 2008
Language of Disempowerment:(cont.)
Language is Powerful Choose Wisely
Language of disempowerment: I want to go to the movies. I am going to the movies tonight. I will go to the movies tonight. I choose to go to the movies tonight. I will enjoy going to the movies tonight. These are different levels of empowerment. I can’t. I can, I choose to, I will, I have the resources I require, I will create the resources I require. I will create what I require to do the job. It’s yet to be here but I’ll find out how to create it. Rather than saying I can’t. When you say I can’t what happens? Do you throw yourself into the victim archetype immediately? Do you cut at the root of the possibility of actually creating some of the resources that yet have been able to wake up in you? When you say I’ll explore how I can create the resources I require to do it. Do something other than go home and coach everyone around you. Only coach if you are asked. Get permission. I just did this great seminar. I learned a lot about the power of language. Would you be interested in having some upgrades to what you just said?
I was in a relationship working for months on how powerful my new relationship was going to be. It was going to be so great. It was about 8 months old. So I came home from one of my trainings and I walked through the door, put down my bag – Hi, honey, I’m home. And I heard, ‘We have to talk.’ So I sat down. You’re too spiritual for me, you’re life is going in a direction I don’t choose to go, I’m moving out. And you talk funny. And pleaded with me to just talk normal. Because this was really a co-dependent relationship. And if I spoke in all the stuff I used to speak in, it would link in and hook that co-dependency. I was so proud of myself because I generally I’ll drag out all my evidence that they were wrong and weigh it all out and make them feel badly. What I said was, ‘You don’t see who I am. Therefore you’re not the one.’ I had worked very, very diligently in creating a real partnership with someone. And I personally thought this was it. Three months later I met the person who was it. The space had to clear out first. And I worked diligently at creating a relationship because I was fully ready.
Unconscious language. You really make me angry. I create anger within myself when you do that. I’m responsible for my feelings and what I make up about what you just said is…. This is very powerful because I was in a relationship once for 9 years with someone who was directly the opposite of everything I am. And before I created this relationship I prayed to god, probably the only time in my life I ever surrendered and I said, ‘Bring me the relationship that will give me the greatest level of spiritual progress.’ I was very brave in those days. So I create this relationship. Within three hours after that surrender process the relationship showed up. Three hours was all it took. We were together for 9 years. I was so reactive and so unhealthy in this relationship. When I got to the point – obviously somehow I get to be accountable for what is happening in my world here. And I got this idea about filtering and so I thought I would apply it in my most tender place and the weakest place that I was – the place that had atrophied the most, which was the huge victim archetype in relationships – somehow I’m a victim of this person. They’ve got control over my emotional state and if they don’t give it to me or if they do give it to me I’m either happy or sad. My partner would do something and I would just get this huge emotional response to it and I’d just sit there silently and fume. And then I said, ‘What you just said and did, I got really upset at and I’m responsible for the emotions I’m creating in myself and I’m giving meaning to what you just said and did and this is what I made up about it. Could you give me clarity on what you meant by what you just did and said?’ And not once, not twice, not a hundred times, but every time I had the courage to do that and stay out of my victim and be emotionally accountable, every time I was 180 degrees off from how I interpreted it. And that’s where a lot of this information started to come forward from. When I began to realize that in that environment where I was the most reactive and wounded and I started to take accountability and began to question to get clarity, I was completely off. And we do this. We mind read a lot. And we mind read out of the hurt and wound of our past through our filters. Ask for clarity, you guys.
My dream is that you will make me happy. My dream is that I create my happiness and you create yours. When you think about language and you think about the words like I need and I want and I’ll try and I don’t know – if we could just take those four out of our conversation – why do you think need, want and I don’t know are so pervasive in our conversational language? The words dissociate you from a focus and they place you in the victim archetype. They are literally the language that takes all the strength and power out of your ability to actually achieve. When you say I deserve it presupposes a time when you didn’t feel deserving. So when you say I claim, I create or I am it takes you out of the context of either deserving or not deserving. It just is. What used to take me a private session half an hour or 45 minutes to get to with neurolinguistic programming, I get to within 10 minutes with a client through their language, just from what they speak and the presuppositions that is behind the language they choose to use.
More to follow tomorrow on this subject!
Love & Light
Gary De Rodriguez
